Blue Vitriol

Recently, I have made some very big changes in my life. I’ve moved away from home for the...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 00:39:44 -0400

Recently, I have made some very big changes in my life. I’ve moved away from home for the first time. I’m living 2,300 miles away from the only town I’ve ever lived in. I have a job working in a used bookstore and it is truly wonderful. I miss my family, but I am genuinely happy that I have made this step.

Not everything is good, though. I have always struggled with my weight and my self-confidence. For some reason, since moving here I have become obsessed with my body. It is all I think about. How much I hate it, how much I could change it, how much I hate myself for not being willing to cut out carbs/starches/grains/dairy/etc and exercise for a couple of hours every day for the rest of my life. I am living a miserable, obsessive existence right now in a way I don’t think I ever have before.

I HATE that I can’t walk into a store and find clothing that fits me. I hate myself even more. I HATE that I have to shop in special clothing stores where the clothes are made for an 80 year old woman. I hate myself even more. I hate that the only things I can find that make me feel even somewhat trendy are accessories: shoes, jewelry, headbands because they always fit. I hate myself even more.

My best friend,whom I moved in with, is stunning. Always has been. She has her own body image issues and I completely understand that. However, in recent years she seems to have gotten over them a little bit. I cannot overstate how happy it makes me that she can now look at herself and know how gorgeous she is. But also, it is really hard for me. I feel alternately invisible beside her or completely grotesque. This has nothing to do with her. She is really good about going shopping with me, even knowing that it is very likely I will end up in tears. She must get tired of me talking about my weight, but she never mentions it. I hope she doesn’t feel like any of my feelings are due to anything she has done, because they aren’t. But I can’t deny that it isn’t difficult.

I’m going to be writing about this more in the hopes that it will serve as a sort of catharsis, but I also don’t want anyone to feel hurt/offended/implicated in my feelings. These are just my ramblings. Just an attempt to bleed out some of the bile that lives inside of me in the hope that one day I can fill that space with love for myself, or at the very least tolerance.

saktiphoenix: Cowboy Bebop (カウボーイビバップ)

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 12:55:37 -0500

saktiphoenix:

Cowboy Bebop (カウボーイビバップ)

whisper2ascream13: magicalnaturetour: Otterly Cute by Kohan...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 11:04:51 -0500

whisper2ascream13:

magicalnaturetour:

Otterly Cute by Kohan Studio

Passing along the needed cuteness.

OMG.

Typical Merlin Quotes(Quotes that highlight the theme of the...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:14:15 -0500

Typical Merlin Quotes
(Quotes that highlight the theme of the series)

verifascinating: raktajino-hot: Link to quote source...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 07:23:16 -0500

verifascinating:

raktajino-hot:

Link to quote source (x)

“Slash is what happens when you take away the glass.”

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Fri, 22 Feb 2013 05:32:48 -0500

pepperbear: frostbackscat: I humanized the Magic School Bus,...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 03:41:49 -0500

pepperbear:

frostbackscat:

I humanized the Magic School Bus, since it’s Ms Frizzle’s TARDIS equivalent! I mean, she IS a Timelord right? And the cliche of overused references ensued!

SDTGJRGGHSORIFUSAEHFEufAEOFIUROSIGSG;oidfgodsirgnzdlNigoSJFGOSDIFGLSRGS

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Fri, 22 Feb 2013 01:50:51 -0500

Rock Throwing.

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 22:09:21 -0500

Rock Throwing.

andrewestes0: I talk a lot of shit for someone who panics while ordering food at restaurants.

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 20:18:49 -0500

andrewestes0:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who panics while ordering food at restaurants.

chiefkeeffanfiction: heard u was talkin shit bitch

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 05:32:27 -0500

chiefkeeffanfiction:

heard u was talkin shit bitch

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Mon, 11 Feb 2013 03:41:56 -0500

stoweboyd: parislemon: courtenaybird: A Beautiful Vision Of...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 01:50:56 -0500

stoweboyd:

parislemon:

courtenaybird:

A Beautiful Vision Of An American High-Speed Rail Map

Imagine if the country was linked by a network of 220-mile-per-hour trains.

Want now. But, as they note, “Given the difficulties in building just a tiny part of this system (the chunk of the Yellow Line from L.A. to San Francisco), we’re so amazingly far away from this happening.”

Please, Mr Obama, this is a great way to stimulate the economy and counter global warming.

YOU’RE one of Germany’s star players, you’ve just lost the...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 22:09:21 -0500

YOU’RE one of Germany’s star players, you’ve just lost the final of Euro 2008 to Spain and you’ve got to face the cameras. What is the last thing you need? In Bastian Schweinsteiger’s case, it was the entire Spanish team crashing through the door doing the conga while singing “Viva Espana”!

dailyotter: Otters Pile Up in a Quiet Corner for a Nap Via...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 20:18:50 -0500

dailyotter:

Otters Pile Up in a Quiet Corner for a Nap

Via tomosuke214

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Sun, 10 Feb 2013 18:27:51 -0500

kevstown: Artist Appreciation: Phil Noto’s Hank Pym’s Photo...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 16:37:12 -0500

kevstown:

Artist Appreciation: Phil Noto’s Hank Pym’s Photo Archive.

This is one of my favorite projects by an artist. Not only is each of his works beautifully detailed, but Noto also seems to turn these fictional superheroes into real life people. I love the use of actual dates in order to show us a glimpse into the real lives of these characters. I feel like I would see this “photographs” in old issues of TIME Magazine or something. Fantastic.

Previous Phil Noto posts: Havok and Polaris, Betsy Braddock (1983), and Winter Storm (1978).

[x]

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 14:46:27 -0500

[x]

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Sun, 10 Feb 2013 12:55:44 -0500

Aww, Clint

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 12:55:53 -0500

Aww, Clint